Today was one of those days where I had a great feeling, I was sure that I was going to do well! That feeling totally disappeared when I dropped into the steep section and I just couldn't push myself to go for it, my skis was all over the place and I just felt completely out of control in a very slow way.
Landed in 31st after the first run only 3/100 from 30th, meaning I would start 31st instead of 1st. After the first run I didn't know what to think, I was pretty down as every time I face a hard race hill I totally loose my guts and drop 10 levels from the skiing I deliver in training. I just didn't know what to make of that, nore how to change it.
So for second run I did not care at all and that made me realize something new. Our coach Oscar who is at the start just told me to ignore everything and just go out there and crush. I have heard that before but It has never made a difference, but since I had nothing to loose and I knew something had to be done. I guess my mind was more open to absorbe that in a literal way today. When I dropped into the steep section I started swearing at all the gates and screaming weird (bad) things all the way down. This really pumped me up and I found a totally new level of intensity that I had never felt before. Something far more important than my result for the day.
Over the past 3 years there has been one clear trend in my skiing. I ski fast in training as well as races where the snow is a bit soft. In WC races and tough EC races I have really struggled. Thanks to my bad first run I think I just opened a door to how to solve this. I just need to bring a level of intensity to my skiing that I didn't know existed. I thought I was pushing as hard as I could, but today I realized that I have been cruising around at 70% trying to find that nice feeling even when it's tough. Sometimes I guess that feeling is no where to be found and you just have to go out there and scream at the gates. That might be the single most important thing I have learnt this year! So I went from thinking I was a lost cause to having a new strategy and being super stoked in just 10 minutes.
There is a lot of things to be said about this sport, but to say that its the most up and down thing I have ever done in my life is a huge under statement! Really stoked on my new revelation and even if it is really hard to describe in words I really feel like the feeling I had today is the biggest thing that has happened to me in the past 3 years! So stoked to see where this can take me!
At Munich Airport right now, sitting in at Sportcentralen tomorrow at TV4 in Sthlm and then off to Spain for 48 hours before its back to business!